What Not To Wear

Most people want to know what we do in rehearsals.

Mainly, we comment on what Shaifer wears.

I know what you are thinking, "But you rehearse every day for 7 hours! You must be doing other things as well?!"

Nope. Not really. Commentary is extensive and thorough, and, I assure you, consumes most of our rehearsal hours.

For Example Tuesday Shaifer wore Horizontal Stripes and then asked us all day if he looked fat. Now, it doesn't take Tim Gunn to know that Horizontal stripes make everyone look fat. (Unless you're Kate Moss - in which case horizontal stripes make you look like a Size Two) Stripes width wise does nobody any favors. This is why your local Footlocker Employees always look svelte.

Wednesday, Shaifer went with a light Gray Sweater which would have been a major improvement were it not for the giant pink horizontal stripe at the bottom. But at least it was better than the effing sailor suit he was wearing Tuesday.

Thursday we couldn't really make fun of Shaifer. Shaifer looked good. Shaifer bought a brand new shirt at the Gap. We had to give it to Shaifer. We got a lot of rehearsing done that day.
But Friday, Shaifer outdid himself with a white and blue patterned polyester shirt with 5 buttons at the top that he wore for the first time in August of 1969 to Woodstock.
What will tomorrow bring? We wait with baited breath! The weather is supposed to be in the high sixties. Dare we hope for Culottes?

XOXO - Maia "Fashion Police" Madison

Audiences LOVE "Made in Heaven!"

Bob Rosenfeld, Long Island City

"I must say I was a little skeptical when my salsa instructor Andrew told me what his play was about. But the show is effing hysterical! I literally peed myself. The play is two heads above any other comedy on or off Broadway, and the great ensemble acting is a leg above anything I've seen in the last 20 years. Run, don't walk, to "Made in Heaven!"

Carl Tenenbaum, Upper West Side

"I was glad I dressed up for this one. Without giving too much away, there's a big 'gimme' you need to accept for the play to work. Fortunately I was quickly able to suspend my disbelief and I ended up laughing my velvet pants off!"

Walt Churzsky, Bayonne, NJ

"This is the funniest and most meaningful play I have ever seen! I choked up when they talked about the 'nightmare of buying pants.'"

NEW CAST

HEY GUYS!!
BIG BIG NEWS! There have been some major last minute changes to the cast. I have to say, I was really excited before, but to be working with Steve, and Bette, and Shane Black is just overwhelming.
DON'T MISS MONDAY'S AWESOME SHOW. There'll be a talkback after with Me, Steve Buscemi, and our brilliant, hilarious director Andrew Shaifer (Eyes shift quickly to Jay).

The pastries in Paris are SO yummy...

Maia, I don't think you're fat.

Okay - in an earlier post, Shaifer offered the following:

PICK THE PERSON WHO YOU THINK IS THE BEST LOOKING MALE WHO WORKS ON THE SHOW (CAST AND CREW INCLUDED) AND WIN A PICTURE WITH THAT LUCKY FELLA!

I am fat, and offended.

I am offering my own contest.

THE FATTEST PERSON IN THE AUDIENCE EACH NIGHT WINS A PHOTO OF THEIR HEAD PHOTOSHOPPED ONTO ANGELINA JOLIE'S BODY. 6 LUCKY WINNERS!!!

XOXO - Fat People Aren't So Jolly

Underwear Night

I realized that I always have the camera, so I should probably post a picture of myself so you know what I look like.

Tonight we had Underwear Night. That's right, our brilliant and talented costume designer, Jeffrey Wallach, brought us different selections of Man Whore underwear for Wilder to wear.

Despite of the fact that everybody giggled and mocked the slut-tastic underwear that Wilder has to wear, everyone wanted to try a pair.

Except me. I am too fat to wear any of that shit.

Love - More Cushion For The Pushin'

Hello. I'm Maia. You know, the one Andrew refers to as "the fat chick." (That's the last time I sleep with a director...)

We suffered through many directors on this project before alighting upon our brilliant Shaifer:

But finally Shaifer came and helped us find all the comedy that this piece required. The other directors didn't really have a sense of humor. Actually, that's not fair - Kermit was pretty funny, but he smelled like pork which made Anfanger uncomfortable since he keeps Kosher...